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Oh, You’re “that type” of White Girl

Posted on by serenitisparkles

The racism I have endured from my own color folk. Here’s my story. 

Growing up, loving Hip Hop, making multi cultural friends, primarily black, I realized very quickly there was a stereotype and hate for someone like me.  Subliminal hate rules over many parts of our country.  Being pulled over for no reason, escorted out of clubs by the swat team, surrounded by cops cars with their guns drawn, discriminated against because of my association, hate words spewed at me, all my experience for being white and loving my black brothers and sisters.  

I was never accepted by the majority of my white peers because they believed I was trying to be a part of something that wasn’t for me.  Snickerlicker, ghetto, and wigger were just some of the words sent my way.  Since the age of 14 when I fell in love with Hip Hop music and culture, I became the “other” type of white person.  My love for Hip Hop would give me the most amazing friends and experiences I could have ever imagined, but it would also put me in the category that most of my black friends and family were born into.  

My experience isn’t unique by any means.  Just ask the ones like me.  But my experience gave me a unique perspective inside of a world that most can’t possibly see.  Many people that look like me have chosen to do the white thing, while I chose to do the right thing.  

People are not a color to me.  Everyone is a unique soul living on this planet and many have a collective experience.  Unfortunately for our Black Americans, that experience has not been kind.  In many instances, that experience has been the definition of criminal.  The hate, oppression, judgement, and misrepresentation that Black Americans have faced is a disgrace to humanity.  Or at least it should be.  

One of my white friends once said to me when I was the only white person on the step team, aren’t you worried about what people will think of you?  My answer, said 20 years ago, still holds true today.  No, because anyone that sees my happiness and inclusivity as wrong, doesn’t need to be in my circle.  

Standing for Black Americans is easy for me, it always has been.  Though my experience was just instances of insight into the Black experience, I have been humbled, time and time again.  To think that my friends and family are treated in this way on a daily basis is one thought that will never leave my mind.  My only hope is that others are humbled by the unlimited amount of information that we have collected to understand that racism, hate and systematic oppression is real.  Just ask , the “other” type of white person.  My hope is that more of us can break the stereotype and stand up as white people for all people who are silenced or treated unjustly.  If America is the greatest country in the world, it’s time we start acting like it.

I was a Casualty of The Hip Hop Industry

Posted on by serenitisparkles

Bred into music from my musician father, enlightened by Hip Hop in my uncles studio growing up in the 90’s. I was made for music, I was meant for hip hop. I knew exactly what I wanted to be at age 9. An A&R in the hip hop industry. There was only one problem, I was a woman and I was white. Fortunately for me I was raised with the mindset that ANYTHING was possible with hardwork.

At the age of 10 I joined the jazz band to become more musically sound. At the age of 16 I joined the step team to work with timing. And at the age of 18 I went to Full Sail University to get my degree in recording engineering. I was one of 4 woman in a class of 300 students.

Being one of the only woman at college would give me a peak into what was ahead. There were two groups in my college. You were either Analog (Rock) or Digital (Hip Hop). I was definitely Bobbi Digital. I would fight for my classmates respect, for them to “pick” me for group work. I would be sexualized at every corner, but still keep my head down and stay focused.

Two months before I graduated, my father, my guiding light, was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer. He was expected to die before my graduation. He told me to keep going and so through it all I did.

I graduated with my Associate’s in recording engineering and was able to spend 6 months with my dad before he passed.

It was time for me to find my way.

I traveled to NY after that to stay with a DJ friend who got me a gig recording at Harmolodic studios in Harlem, NY. I’ll never forget my first session. I walk into studio A to meet the head engineer who happened to be a man as many head engineers were at that time. He looked me up and down and asked, “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” I replied, “Of course I do”. As that session ended I could see that even though he didn’t respect me as his equal, he knew I knew what I was doing.

Let’s move onto when I moved to LA to work with some A-list producers and the skaters and a plethora of hip hop artists. Over and over, session after session, I was simply a woman, not good enough to be in the boys club, and not offering what the “groupies” were offering. I was just there, fighting for the respect that I was never given.

I got tired of spinning in circles so I decided to go online and look for personal assistant positions so that maybe, just maybe, I would find someone who would see what I had to offer. I knew if I just found the right opportunity, I would fly.

My next opportunity would be the most horrible and defining experience of my life. It would change me and shift my dreams into emptiness.

While in LA, I responded to and ad for a personal assistant to a music producer. I felt that this is exactly what I needed to move forward. When I met with the producer, we spent two weeks together before I took the “job”. We went to the Bad Boy record label, multi platinum studios, and stores that his friends owned. Everything checked out.

He told me he needed me to move to Vegas to help him promote a new album. It would be all expenses paid for my work towards this project and I would receive weekly pay.

So I went. I went toward my dreams without looking back. When I got there the lies slowly started to unfold. Whoever this man was, he was not a successful music producer. That was simply a facade he used to draw me in.

During my time there he tried to force me into prostitution, which I declined at every turn. He made me live in the same house with his “working” girls. He would beat me and manipulate me. He would use my dreams against me. He would leave me for days without food or money.

I’m sure while most read this, you think, why didn’t you just leave? I ask myself that question to this day. Why did I stay so long? I was so much better than that.

There are a few reasons. One reason was that everyone in my family was pushing me away from finding a job in music, if I ran, I would have to admit that I failed. I felt that it was my fault that I was in that situation. I was manipulated into thinking that there would be light at the end of that dark tunnel.

One day, when this man left the house again for days, I decided to do some digging. I found a piece of mail with his real name. Until this point, he had only given me a stage name that everyone knew him by. When I searched his name, I found out he had been imprisoned for years before meeting me for sexual assault.

When he came back, I confronted him and told him I was leaving. He beat me again. I was scared, but I didn’t know how to get out.

One day, he left again and this day was the day I decided to leave. I had been promoting nightclubs on the side to raise money for my exit. I packed everything and moved into a weekly hotel on the other side of the strip.

I knew, I had to call my family. I knew it was time for me to tell them the danger I was in. When I called, my grandparents sent me money to leave the West Coast and go back home.

This is the first time I tell my story publicly after 13 years. This is the first time I admit what happened to me. Growing up in the 90’s there were no woman that could prepare me for the Hip Hop industry. There was no guidance on how to move and what to look out for.

I only hope that my story, helps another young lady with the passion I once had. I was never the same after that, but I am a survivor. I am grateful I am alive today to share this and hopefully change the course of someone else’s life.

Love is a terrible thing to Hate

Posted on by serenitisparkles

This blog is an inspiration from my best friend who has not only taught me what love is, but that as long as it’s love its LOVE, period. Think about your first love. Think about the many or few after that. Bring yourself back to the moment you met them. Bask for a moment in your first kiss with them.

Doesn’t it feel amazing? Isn’t this feeling one of the things that makes life worth living? Aren’t these moments the ones we cherish and hold onto for our lifetimes?

We all want love. Most of us want it to last forever.

Now imagine that because of this love, you were ostracized by others. Imagine being tormented online or in the streets for nothing more than WHO you love. Imagine not being able to marry your ONE TRUE LOVE.

What kind of life would that be? Living in love in the shadows. Being undeniably attracted to that person and not being able to share it to the world.

Moments cherished in hiding.

This is what so many endure in the LGBTQ+ community. There are still many places in the United States where people are treated obscenely. Places where love is treated with disgust or hate.

Can you imagine? What it would feel like to have finally found love in a world full of hate, only to have to deny the full potential of that love because of others.

Though we as a country have come a long way, we still have many states, cities, schools, apartment communities, housing districts, and neighbors that want to rid the LGBTQ+ community of their human right to love. Let all of our voices be louder than theirs.

Let us stand for love, because if we are lucky enough to have found it, no one should ever be able to take it away.

I love you, despite your ignorance…

Posted on by serenitisparkles

As the people of the world grow more intolerant of things they do not agree with or understand, I say, this is not going to end well. Ignorance of the unknown is all this boils down to because the power of human interaction is much stronger than that.

For example…

Little Jimmy grows up in a household where the theme is everything white. He is taught that ALL white people are good people and anyone that looks different must be watched out for. His family lives in the country with a few neighbors, all of caucasian decent. Jimmy plays with big toy trucks and has his boxer puppy as a companion. Jimmy is also slightly mentally disabled and has a hard time interacting with others. He says racist remarks towards others without understanding what he is saying. He watches as his parents celebrate the hate he spews. All Jimmy knows as he grows is what surrounds him in his small world.

Then there is little Shayla. Shayla grows up in the projects where all that surrounds her is black. Her mom and grandma teach her that the white man is the reason for all that is wrong with their world. They teach her that white people can’t be trusted. The only interaction Shayla had with white people is when the white police officers come to harass her neighbors and brothers. Shayla is taught to stay away from the police because nothing good ever comes from talking to them. Shayla grows up only seeing the world from her perspective.

Jimmy is now a grown up who works in a factory. He still lives in the country and is even more pro-white because of the many years living within his surroundings. He joins in on hate speech on a regular basis. Jimmy now has 2 little boys that he is raising with his wife. He is responsible for their teachings and what they will become.

Shayla is still living in the same projects she grew up in. She wasn’t doing well in school so she dropped out early and now lives with the father of her new baby. She has also grown up with the understanding that white people haven’t done anything for her and they are not to be trusted. Everything around Shayla is depressed. She doesn’t see a light at the end of her tunnel so she keeps perpetuating the lie that all white people are bad.

Within these two scenarios, can you see how their story could change? Can you see an opportunity to give them knowledge other than what they have been brought up to know?

I can. What if Jimmy met someone that was black and that person didn’t shy away from him because of his ignorant comments or lifestyle? What if Shayla met a white person that wasn’t offended by Shayla’s beliefs about white people? What if those people loved Shayla and Jimmy despite their prejudice? What if they continued to try to understand where it all came from? What if they decided to stand by Shayla and Jimmy no matter what to show them that good people can come into your life in many different shades?

If more people went toward the hate, enforcing love and understanding, we would have a chance to change perspectives. But if you just allow Shayla and Jimmy to sit in their world and feel that you hate them back, they will never have the opportunity to change. Hate combatting hate is the same as putting fire on a fire, it will only get bigger until it destroys us all. Combatting hate with love and putting water on the fire is the only way that we won’t implode.

That is why I say to all people, I love you, despite your racism…

We are supposed to be better than they were…

Posted on by serenitisparkles

This blog talks of generations. From many different lifetimes. Old and new. Most of all, the ones alive today, are being taught a lesson, we are much more mortal than we want to realize. In society most of our views come from different generations. The old versus the young. Whats the difference between our views as Gen Z and Gen Alpha than the Baby Boomers and Silent Generation?

The answer is in front of us everyday, all the time. There is a component to our growth as humans to understand where the world became more enlightened. Ideas today began because of the trendsetters of our history being “woke”. It began with ideas from many individuals, then it became a whole new world.

The internet joined all of us in 1991 when we were able to connect instantly (or at least with a short delay). It changed humanity as we would ever know it to be.

Why? Our IQs aren’t higher than the people of the past, but our access to universal information is. For the past 30 years we have been becoming informed.

In the past, for our parents and grand parents, it was information in books. But even the most avid readers of the past generations weren’t holding all the cards. Today, I can talk to Siri, search anything my heart desired, at the command of my voice. Today, I meet people from all over the world. Today, we understand others unlike ourselves. The newer generations are not better with everything that they do, but they are more informed. Equality and stability is a right for us all, not just in my town, my city, but for all humans. Gen Z and Gen Alpha will be the new way. My hope is that we realize our strengths as a generation and our weaknesses and become better humans. We all deserve to leave this world with more healing and understanding than before. Every generation is a trial on what works and what doesn’t work in our world. If we don’t use that data to make the world a more peaceful and connected place, then we have missed our opportunity.

Learning People From The Inside Out

Posted on by serenitisparkles

I often tell my daughter that when she meets someone new, to close her eyes for just a moment and feel their energy. Are they warm? Do they welcome you? Do they make you feel at home? Or are they cold? Are they rude? Do they make you feel unsafe?

In an instant our spirit can tell if someone is a friend. It is built in us, it’s in our DNA. Animals are the best example of this. They use their senses to tell them if danger is present.

Yet, humans, not all, but some, have the idea that because of the way a person appears to be on the outside, that must represent who they are on the inside. In every other example, that notion is ludicrous, yet with human beings it is not. Does the color of a car tell you if it drives well? Does the color of a cake tell you if it’s delicious? Does the color of a house tell you if it was built with a good foundation?

The answer is NO. Does the way a person looks tell you if they’re a friend? That answer is also NO.

I like to bring this story to the beginning, when we all began to be human. I’m not talking about when human beings first walked the earth, but when we were innocent children. We grew up in different households, with different circumstance, different clothes, different experiences, and our skin was different colors, but we still played together. Most of us, before we entered school age knew no difference. We were all “fun”.

Then society and the world around us began to change our minds on what we fundamentally knew. Somewhere along the way people stopped playing together and grouped themselves into communities against one another. Somewhere along the way the world tarnished our view of humanity.

And, many of us let them. Now more than ever we must feel each others energy and trust what is good. Covid-19 is even telling us to keep away from our fellow humans. (It’s too dangerous).

I believe the most dangerous weapon against humanity is separation and lack of love. Humans need to remember that the majority of us are good and want the same things for each other. A happy family, food on the table, blissful moments are what most of us desire for ourselves and for our fellow humans. We can’t let the few evil people lead us to hopelessness. Fear is what people who are no longer in tune with their childhood spirit feel.

No matter what you look like, today is the day to reach out to someone and say, “We may be separated in this moment, but I am with you my friend”. Let us be #SeparatebutTogether2020

I didn’t know speaking about equality would get me REJECTED from FB

Posted on by serenitisparkles

I have always been a person of deep spirituality. Prophetic some might say. I have always thought about what it means to live with purpose. Purpose is what drives me to write. I’ve never been paid to write or encouraged to go against the laws of the land. But what happens when my free speech, and sharing it with others is rejected.

For the first time in my life, power has silenced me. My voice is no different than any other average American. I am not famous or powerful. I am humble. I want nothing more in my life than to leave a valuable message for the generations that live beyond me. I want nothing more than to right the wrongs or at least try to.

Never would I have thought that one of my blogs, written from my heart with only good intent, would be rejected by a platform. Speaking truth to power is important, but what happens when power won’t let us be heard.

I wrote a blog yesterday about supporting my Black brothers and sisters in their fight to gain true equal rights from a system that has silenced them for too long. It was nothing more than what every faith lives on; Treat others how you want to be treated. It is so simple, yet so complex in the world we are living in. An opinion is all. An opinion that spoke of love and support was rejected by FB. I didn’t understand it so I dug further.

I found that in order for me to write about equality, I must first disclose my name, phone number, and address to the platform for approval. Why would I do such a thing, when I watch whistleblowers from around the world be silenced and forgotten. The people in charge want to know who I am before I can speak about what is right. Why? I am not a politician. I am not organizing the resistance. What is the resistance anyway? Isn’t this something we ALL want to see before we take our last breath?

I had to write about it, like so many other things. More than ever, I had to speak up for what I see as wrong. I had to speak up for those who can no longer speak. I had to speak up so that the day I take my last breath, I know I never walked away from the truth. We should all be working towards love. We should all be working towards a better future for each other. These blogs are for my friends, my family, and anyone that ever needed confirmation that love is the way. You can silence me today, but just know I will keep writing, unapologetically.

Power to Black People, Means Power to THE People

Posted on by serenitisparkles

A statement with so many layers. A bold statement, misunderstood by ignorance. What exactly do I mean? Power to Black People? Does this mean Black people deserve more power?

A simple answer is, yes.

The same people that have made it their duty to oppress Black people, have made it their duty to oppress the people.

But ALL people are not oppressed?

When 99% of the people are within the lower bracket of our country’s economy as we know it and only a few hold the power to control government with their money, aren’t they? Aren’t most people living under the umbrella of Big Pharma, For-Profit Education Companies, the Banking system, and Corrupt Government?

The continued oppression of Black people is symbolic for what most people living in this country suffer from. Black oppression is the worst of the worst.

When this country turns the tables on how Black people are treated, won’t that set the bar for how all people should be treated. We need the tide to turn. We need the tide to turn in a big way if this country has hope to survive and thrive. Fighting for our Black brothers and sisters isn’t just about fighting for them. It’s about fighting for all of us.

Power can only sustain its power if they divide us. The media, painting pictures of us as if most Americans don’t want the same thing. Why do we continue to believe them? Why do we allow them to act as if they aren’t the ones benefiting from the oppression? Do you not understand that only 6 Corporations own 90% of the media that is fed to us? Do you not think they, the rich and powerful, have an agenda?

But have you talked to your neighbor recently? Have you spoken with your friend of another race? Your co-worker?

We can’t be so blind to the fact that they want all of us to believe that we don’t want the system fixed for ALL of us.

In order for that to begin, we need to see the power, the rights, and the respect put back into our Black countrymen and woman. We are ALL citizens of this beautiful country. We are members of an exclusive place called the United States of America. Don’t you think it’s time for the system that was built by the people (ALL PEOPLE) and for the people, do what it has promised? There are 324 Million people living under the thumb of the 1%. Shouldn’t it be the majority that rules?

Lessons for our youth: Schools are closed, but the BAR IS OPEN.

Posted on by serenitisparkles

What are we teaching our children if we tell them they can’t go to school, but Mommy and Daddy can go get a drink at the bar? What kind of message are we sending to our youth when their education depends on politics, but getting your nails done is your right as a U.S. citizen?

There is something extremely wrong going on around us and no matter what side of this you are on, you see it too.

All summer long, beaches, bars, restaurants, Target, Walmart, and so many other businesses have been allowed to open, yet your child can’t go to school.

Instead, while many of us are enjoying the retail and hospitality world being open, our children sit inside, being forced to study in front of a computer screen for hours.

Oh and let’s not forget the private schools and daycare’s that are still doing business as usual. Those children are the lucky ones. They get to play and interact with their peers while the other children who’s schooling is paid for by the government do not.

How do we justify that this is ok? How can we really say that it is ok for 50 million kids to sit at home and study, while they watch everyone else participate in the social world?

This is hypocrisy at its finest. We allow the corporations to be open because they own the government. We allow private schools and daycares to be open because it is their right. Where are the rights for the students behind the computer? The government has stolen their right and their voice. We must do better.

Is COVID-19 proving the Gaia Theory?

Posted on by serenitisparkles

The Gaia Theory proposes that living organisms interact with their inorganic surroundings on Earth to form a synergistic and self-regulating, complex system that helps to maintain and perpetuate the conditions for life on the planet.

The theory states that as Earth’s population increases, and becomes overpopulated, the Gaia (mother nature), will rid the Earth of inhabitants by things such as natural disasters, tragic events caused by man, environmental change, and disease.  

It is quite simple to understand when you think about it.  Though you can’t see it happening, every minute of the day we lose about 30,000 to 40,000 dead skin cells off the surface of our skin.  New skin is constantly being created on our bodies and because of this natural shed of skin, our skin maintains it’s purpose.  The new skin cells gradually push their way to the top layer. When they reach the top, they die and are “weathered” by the environment and your daily activities.  Eventually, the dead cells break away from the epidermis and fall off, making room for newer cells growing up from below.

It is the natural cycle that lives all around us.  

Let’s use another example of Earth’s natural cycle.  Our body temperature is controlled by thermoregulation.   Your brain controls thermoregulation. When it senses your internal temperature becoming too low or high, it sends signals to your muscles, organs, glands, and nervous system.  It responds accordingly.  For instance;

If your body needs to cool down, you may start sweating.  If you need to heat up, you may start to shiver.

Self-regulation is all around us.  It can be found in the tiniest of organisms to the entire atmosphere.

In the Gaia theory, COVID-19 would be a self-regulatory act of the Earth.  It would be one way that the Earth combats overpopulation and the detrimental impact of human greed on Earth.  8 out of 10 people that die from COVID-19 are over the age of 65.  This means that out of the 773,000 deaths brought upon by this disease, 618,000 were elderly.  If you believe in the Gaia Theory, this statistic is shocking evidence that as the Earth’s population grows, the Earth teaches us that the cycle can’t be broken.  No matter the advances in modern medicine, Gaia will make a way for the young to enter the cycle and the old to exit.

Comment below with your thoughts.