We create the box, and then try to fit

Posted on by serenitisparkles

However metaphorical this blog seems, it is actually a very simple concept of what we as humans have become. Once born, we enter the world with no preconceived notion about the world around us except what has been in us for eternity. Our souls are as pure as nature and all its elements. Yet, we as a human race grew into this existence with one defining truth of whom we would become. Our energy flows just like the river. It finds its feeling in the movements of us as living beings. It is taught everything it will become as it develops.

Our human existence has the ability to be in the state, whichever state it chooses, yet we as people decided that we would put restraints on every aspect of our nature. Rules, regulations and laws, though finite in principal are merely a creation of the laws decided on amongst ourselves.

Our natural state as humans is to feed off of the energy of the world around us and every living being it crosses paths with.

So now let’s talk about the box or boxes that were created just as boxes are made. They are structured and definite in nature, and sized in relation to those who create it. They are not meant to be fluid or adjusted as they are a fixed element on earth.

We have created many boxes in every category of human nature. Love, feelings, appearance, speech, and thoughts have all been targeted as elements to fit inside of these set boxes.

The reality is, that what lives in us is much more abstract than that. Every single human on this planet has what is called the human factor, or the ultimate level of consciousness. A piece of every one of us that falls outside of each box. Every human, no matter how much they try and define themselves, find it hard to fit in much of anything. It isn’t we are not “normal”. It is that we were never meant to be.

With the age of social media, so many of us have been more enlightened than ever. We’ve opened our eyes and our understanding to humans across the globe like never before. We have seen into the eyes of someone on the other side of the planet and they are relatable in one way or another.

We were meant to be relatable, and different at the same time. We were made with the uniqueness of our inner self. We are finally finding our voices to break the systematic boxes set before us by the “Rules”. The world is heading toward a new day. The day we finally accept that we all have that factor within us that allows us to bridge the gap and break through the boxes. I can’t wait for a more conscious world and more accepting humans.

I was a Casualty of The Hip Hop Industry

Posted on by serenitisparkles

Bred into music from my musician father, enlightened by Hip Hop in my uncles studio growing up in the 90’s. I was made for music, I was meant for hip hop. I knew exactly what I wanted to be at age 9. An A&R in the hip hop industry. There was only one problem, I was a woman and I was white. Fortunately for me I was raised with the mindset that ANYTHING was possible with hardwork.

At the age of 10 I joined the jazz band to become more musically sound. At the age of 16 I joined the step team to work with timing. And at the age of 18 I went to Full Sail University to get my degree in recording engineering. I was one of 4 woman in a class of 300 students.

Being one of the only woman at college would give me a peak into what was ahead. There were two groups in my college. You were either Analog (Rock) or Digital (Hip Hop). I was definitely Bobbi Digital. I would fight for my classmates respect, for them to “pick” me for group work. I would be sexualized at every corner, but still keep my head down and stay focused.

Two months before I graduated, my father, my guiding light, was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer. He was expected to die before my graduation. He told me to keep going and so through it all I did.

I graduated with my Associate’s in recording engineering and was able to spend 6 months with my dad before he passed.

It was time for me to find my way.

I traveled to NY after that to stay with a DJ friend who got me a gig recording at Harmolodic studios in Harlem, NY. I’ll never forget my first session. I walk into studio A to meet the head engineer who happened to be a man as many head engineers were at that time. He looked me up and down and asked, “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” I replied, “Of course I do”. As that session ended I could see that even though he didn’t respect me as his equal, he knew I knew what I was doing.

Let’s move onto when I moved to LA to work with some A-list producers and the skaters and a plethora of hip hop artists. Over and over, session after session, I was simply a woman, not good enough to be in the boys club, and not offering what the “groupies” were offering. I was just there, fighting for the respect that I was never given.

I got tired of spinning in circles so I decided to go online and look for personal assistant positions so that maybe, just maybe, I would find someone who would see what I had to offer. I knew if I just found the right opportunity, I would fly.

My next opportunity would be the most horrible and defining experience of my life. It would change me and shift my dreams into emptiness.

While in LA, I responded to and ad for a personal assistant to a music producer. I felt that this is exactly what I needed to move forward. When I met with the producer, we spent two weeks together before I took the “job”. We went to the Bad Boy record label, multi platinum studios, and stores that his friends owned. Everything checked out.

He told me he needed me to move to Vegas to help him promote a new album. It would be all expenses paid for my work towards this project and I would receive weekly pay.

So I went. I went toward my dreams without looking back. When I got there the lies slowly started to unfold. Whoever this man was, he was not a successful music producer. That was simply a facade he used to draw me in.

During my time there he tried to force me into prostitution, which I declined at every turn. He made me live in the same house with his “working” girls. He would beat me and manipulate me. He would use my dreams against me. He would leave me for days without food or money.

I’m sure while most read this, you think, why didn’t you just leave? I ask myself that question to this day. Why did I stay so long? I was so much better than that.

There are a few reasons. One reason was that everyone in my family was pushing me away from finding a job in music, if I ran, I would have to admit that I failed. I felt that it was my fault that I was in that situation. I was manipulated into thinking that there would be light at the end of that dark tunnel.

One day, when this man left the house again for days, I decided to do some digging. I found a piece of mail with his real name. Until this point, he had only given me a stage name that everyone knew him by. When I searched his name, I found out he had been imprisoned for years before meeting me for sexual assault.

When he came back, I confronted him and told him I was leaving. He beat me again. I was scared, but I didn’t know how to get out.

One day, he left again and this day was the day I decided to leave. I had been promoting nightclubs on the side to raise money for my exit. I packed everything and moved into a weekly hotel on the other side of the strip.

I knew, I had to call my family. I knew it was time for me to tell them the danger I was in. When I called, my grandparents sent me money to leave the West Coast and go back home.

This is the first time I tell my story publicly after 13 years. This is the first time I admit what happened to me. Growing up in the 90’s there were no woman that could prepare me for the Hip Hop industry. There was no guidance on how to move and what to look out for.

I only hope that my story, helps another young lady with the passion I once had. I was never the same after that, but I am a survivor. I am grateful I am alive today to share this and hopefully change the course of someone else’s life.

We are supposed to be better than they were…

Posted on by serenitisparkles

This blog talks of generations. From many different lifetimes. Old and new. Most of all, the ones alive today, are being taught a lesson, we are much more mortal than we want to realize. In society most of our views come from different generations. The old versus the young. Whats the difference between our views as Gen Z and Gen Alpha than the Baby Boomers and Silent Generation?

The answer is in front of us everyday, all the time. There is a component to our growth as humans to understand where the world became more enlightened. Ideas today began because of the trendsetters of our history being “woke”. It began with ideas from many individuals, then it became a whole new world.

The internet joined all of us in 1991 when we were able to connect instantly (or at least with a short delay). It changed humanity as we would ever know it to be.

Why? Our IQs aren’t higher than the people of the past, but our access to universal information is. For the past 30 years we have been becoming informed.

In the past, for our parents and grand parents, it was information in books. But even the most avid readers of the past generations weren’t holding all the cards. Today, I can talk to Siri, search anything my heart desired, at the command of my voice. Today, I meet people from all over the world. Today, we understand others unlike ourselves. The newer generations are not better with everything that they do, but they are more informed. Equality and stability is a right for us all, not just in my town, my city, but for all humans. Gen Z and Gen Alpha will be the new way. My hope is that we realize our strengths as a generation and our weaknesses and become better humans. We all deserve to leave this world with more healing and understanding than before. Every generation is a trial on what works and what doesn’t work in our world. If we don’t use that data to make the world a more peaceful and connected place, then we have missed our opportunity.

What are we afraid of? Fearing Covid-19

Posted on by serenitisparkles

The summer of 2020 has been a challenging one to say the least.  Not because of events within my home or family, but because of the constant reminder that we should fear each other and stay “safe”.

Terminal illness is something I know very well as my father succumbed to death by liver cancer at the age of 49.  Illness is something I know well as I have an 8 year old daughter who gets the flu every season.  Drug addiction and illness is also something that has touched my life in a tragic way when I lost my aunt to her addiction.   Yet, I kept on living.

So I beg to ask the question, what are we afraid of?

Are we more afraid of a virus than we are of complete government oversight and control?  Are we more afraid of a virus than our children growing up without a childhood?  Are we more afraid of a virus than a world of social distancing and separation?  Are we more afraid of a virus than we are of fighting for our freedom?

Yesterday, in the grocery store, I made sure to mask up and go about my regular weekly shopping.  I observed people as they walked by making sure they weren’t “too close” to me.  I observed the discomfort of not being able to see if a person was smiling at me or frowning.

In my home, I have an eight year old little girl who is an only child.  A little girl who once upon a time thought anything was possible, yet now she can’t even enjoy the first day of school.  She watches as the school buses pass by in the neighborhood, not because they are picking her up, but because they are being paid to train on their routes for food drops.

My child, whose father lives in South America, cries for the moment she will see him again.  She asks me almost daily when this will be all over so she can see her dad.  For the first time, the mom who knows it all has to tell her baby, “I don’t know”.

Most people I know that have had Covid-19 (and that number I can count on one hand), are alive and breathing and living.  Those friends of mine that have had the virus are now stigmatized by the rest of the world as having “The Virus”.  Though they are all clear of the virus today, they are still excluded from family moments and gatherings.

When you ask me, What are you afraid of?  My answer is very different than what you may think during this pandemic.

I fear that this is the new normal.  I fear that we have entered a time of no return.  I fear that we will all be forced to vaccinate to live a “normal” life again.  I fear that the laws surrounding this pandemic will last beyond the virus.  I fear that people won’t introduce themselves with a hug anymore.  I fear that the government will use 5-G and technology to invade our homes and our lives in the name of “safety”.  I fear that my daughter won’t have a first day of school because digital learning proved to be more economic for the states.  I fear that she won’t be able to make a “new” friend because the parents are scared she may be infected.  I fear that small talk in the grocery store has ended.  I fear that human interaction has been forever tainted.

We are watching the powerful make decisions for all of us.  We are watching it without having real facts and statistics.  The chains have been applied to all of us, not just US citizens, but humans around the world.

I fear that the chains will not come off in my lifetime.

Rayshard Brooks told us in one interview how we can start to change the system

Posted on by serenitisparkles

A man’s life was taken by the police this month in Atlanta.  We watched again as the video played out his death.  We witnessed the inhumane treatment of this human life.  Everyone around the world is asking, what can we do?  What if we knew first hand how a victim of police killing felt?  What if we heard it in their own words?

Watch as Rayshard Brooks tells the nation how we can start to change a broken system.  Watch as he defines what rehabilitation looks like.  I, personally, am so grateful we have such words for this very moment in our nation’s history.

 

 

The C word VS the N word and why they are not the same.

Posted on by serenitisparkles

“Cracker” is what I would be referred to at times and it never bothered me.  Not because it wasn’t derogatory, but because it literally held no actual weight on society as I knew it.  “Crackers” weren’t systematically oppressed.  “Crackers” weren’t being targeted by the police.  Being a “Cracker” didn’t affect your place in society.  “Cracker” was just a word.

Many people ask well “if the N word is so bad to say, then why isn’t the C word as bad” One is a word and the other torments you.  One word is used as a clap back and the other is used to cut you.  One is the word of the moment, the other is a word derived from the cruelest moments in our nation’s history.

Other people ask the question, “Why can’t I say the N word if Black people say it to each other?’  

It is because THAT is their word.  The N word has been used as a racial slur and a representation of the oppression for centuries.  Since the blood was first placed on the white hand by the slavery they instilled in this nation.  That blood, stains.  Every time a white person says the N word, it cuts like a knife in an open wound.  The N word represents all that is wrong with White vs. Black in this country.   Our Black American citizens decided that rather than let this word be used against them, they keep it.   That by being so restrained in its use, it gives white Americans (specifically) a taste of what it is like to not be entitled to “do anything they please, anywhere.”

So no, the C word will never be equal to the N word because Black Americans have never been offered that same opportunity.  They have been kneeled on by the power of government and law in a country that’s primary principle is that All Men Were Created Equal and All Men Deserve Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.

So “Crackers”, if you find this word offensive, think of what a lifetime of being exploited feels like.

What Can White People Do?

Posted on by serenitisparkles

What Can White People Do?

I keep hearing the same question as if it seems so difficult to come to the answer.  What Can White People Do?  What can WE do?  What Can I do?

We’ve known the answer all of our lives.  We have lived the answer with every breath we take.

Did you grow up in a world with the comfort of stable food and shelter?  Were you able to walk in any door and know you would be treated with dignity and respect?  When stopped by the police, did they just take your ID and send you on your way?  Did you see many cop cars patrolling your neighborhood?  Did the police seem like they were always there to care for you and protect you?

If your life was like this, then I am speaking to you.  Your great-grandfathers sins do not rest on you, they live in you.  You get to live in a world that is fair and equal.  You get to feel as if the law is on your side.  But your brothers and sisters of color, they, do not.  They suffer from unlawful arrests and sentencing, harassment, and brutality all at the hands of power.

It is not that ALL police are bad and ALL lives don’t matter.  It is that there are lives of our fellow citizens that have been roughed up and taken by a system that is built to sustain it’s power.  White Power.

If you are like me, you don’t believe in White Power or what it represents.  But unfortunately for you, you are the beneficiary of such power.  And it is because of that that you were handed a responsibility.  A responsibility greater than any you have ever had and will ever have.  Use your voices, your money, your hands, your words and speak to that power.  Make sure they listen.  Call your representatives, gather in peaceful protests.  Be the change you want to see in the world.

This is dedicated to all my Black brothers and sisters.  The ones who treated me like family.  The ones who are still by my side to this day.  This is our fight.

Learning People From the Inside Out-Reincarnation

Posted on by serenitisparkles

One of the most important lessons I have taught my daughter is to get to know everyone from the inside out.  Going deeper into that meaning has brought profound knowledge to my existence and my interactions with others.

I have always prided myself to be a lover of people.  Any color, size, religion, culture, and gender.

One of my greatest gifts has been to see the soul of a person and not the appearance or life choices.

It is not that I don’t see their physical differences.  We live in a physical world made up of matter.  Everyone has a unique and similar appearance.

I have chosen to not let anything from the physical world define who they are or who I am.

Our race and gender is a physical trait that we are born with.  It is not always what we identify with.  It is something that was chosen for us as soon as we entered the physical state of being.

So let’s explore what I am trying to divulge.  I have an inherent belief that this is not our souls first time here.  In fact, I believe we have all been here many times before.  We have come in different forms, through different time periods.

It would explain why a being born as a man, feels only feminine.  What if that soul has been through thousands of lives, most as a woman.  When they enter the present as a man, they don’t feel right.  Everything feels off.

If we can open our minds to the possibility that our souls can travel through many physical forms, then we can also be open to the fact that their is a novel inside of that book cover.  There is an untold story, a soul that is yearning to be who they feel most comfortable being.

It is not the outside that defines us all, it is what we have within us that tells our truth.

The Conscious Mind…Ever Flowing

Posted on by serenitisparkles

We, as humans, have the most powerful force within all of us.  The conscious mind.  Many people across all continents are becoming more and more conscious of the world around us and our place in history.  Our bodies are bound by limitations, but our minds are only confined to what we allow.  Anything and everything is possible if we think it.

That doesn’t mean we can do anything, it means we can think greater than ever before.  With our bodies being forced to sit still, it gives our minds the opportunity to flow freely.

A free mind is a conscious one.  One that is not bound by the opinions or restrictions society has placed on us.  It is an ever flowing thought process, searching for the meaning of it all.

As we sit still, our minds have the ability to go deeper into the meaning of what it means to be human and what humans can do to benefit the universe.

Energy is all around us.  Energy is what makes us.  Positive thinking can influence an entire nation and uplift everyone it comes in contact with.

A positive mind that chooses to be conscious has the capacity to heal all wounds.  A positive, conscious mind has the power to shift the entire world into healing.

We are all in pain right now, together.  We are more connected than ever before.  It is imperative that we allow ourselves to influence one another.

My daughter asked me about burials when people die.  She said, “Mommy, isn’t that cruel, to bury a dead person under the ground.”

I replied, “Honey, you and I will not be buried.”  The you that makes you you will live on.  It is called our soul.  Our soul will leave the body.  The body is simply our shell.”

That explanation sparked a feeling of faith and belief in humanity.  If our energy is all knowing and forever powerful, than we need not fear any virus, war, or tragedy that this life on earth brings.  Our energy, if given the right thought, can be at peace knowing we will prevail.

We were all placed on this earth at this moment.  We were all placed here to witness the greatest threat to humanity.  This threat will only empower us to think deeper and let the light in.

Every moment that goes by adds more to our conscious mind.  All the pain we feel adds courage.  Courage adds strength.  And strength, in our core, will allow us to become the most powerful and conscious minds this earth has yet to witness.

Stay strong, my friends.  We are rooting for each other.  I have faith in all of us.  I have faith that the peace we have been searching for is right on the other side of tragedy.  So when we speak to someone we love, our energy exudes influence.  This world may have been tarnished by the unconscious.  It may have been overcome with negativity.

It is time for the conscious mind to take back the power and influence and bring about love.  The greatest energy of all.

We are being reset…

Posted on by serenitisparkles

Before the Coronavirus brought us to our knees, life was moving forward as usual.  People weren’t taking time out for family and friends, young people were consumed with only social media and the relevance in the likes and follows it produced.  Money was ruling above all like it never had before.

For many years now, we have been witness to the blatant greed that became the only voice that mattered.  Corporations had automated every point of customer experience and people became numbers and dollar signs.

Humans have been losing their connection and at the same time losing their purpose.  We have been so consumed with the news of today and what’s popular that we completely forgot what was most important.

We watch alongside our children and wonder, what kind of world they will be left with, if left with one at all.  Time was moving so fast we couldn’t keep up.  Memories were being replaced with screen shots in our phone.

Everything that made this planet beautiful was being overrun by money and greed.  Life was beginning to have no meaning at all.

And then, we were stopped.  Like a domino effect, every nation surrounding us was on hold.  Every sale, every transaction, every event, every travel plan, and literally everything that once mattered, suddenly didn’t matter at all.    Every photo became an experience worth living.

We are being reset.  Many of us knew that it was only a matter of time that nature would run it’s course and stop the biggest threat to the planet.  We, the human race, have been shown our mortality.  We have come to understand just how fragile our existence on this planet is.  And now, we care more than ever to live in this moment and enjoy the beauty of the earth that we have taken for granted for far too long.

If and when we live through this moment, children will have been taught once again what family means.  People will have been humbled and understand to reuse and recycle and the importance that has on our survival.  Health will be something we celebrate and hold most dear.

Living for the now is what we have been given through this reset in history.  We are no longer buried in our work, obsessed with pop icons, saving for next years vacation, or simply consuming to consume.

Living for right now is the only thing that is certain.  Because of this certainty, we will rise above this and become the better version of who we were all meant to be.